I'm not really a poet myself, but I'll offer some comments from my perspective as a reader.

First of all, your word choices are very clever. I particularly liked your use of 'alarmed'. That made me smile. And I also like the way you've hyphenated "morning-vision".

In terms of criticism, I'd perhaps say that the third stanza wasn't nearly as snappy as the others. I think it was the use of 'blurred'. It makes me automatically think, "Wait, what is blurred?" because it's not really clear in a grammatical sense. Also, while I like the question you end with, "The noise defeated/fall back to sleep" kind of bothers me because it doesn't make sense as a sentence, so much.

Anyway, I thought this was a neat little piece about something everyone can relate to. Thanks for posting it.

Thanks, I know what you mean about some of the things you pointed it. Well, I edited the poem a little, tell me what you think now.

--
<sub>Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. - Lewis Carroll

I best leave you to your clubbing. Who knows what monstrosities may be in need of beatings and bruises. - ~chocolate-therapy</sub>

I like it. There's some good imagery here.

At times it reminds me of a haiku, though, in that the thoughts/lines are very short and mechanical. I think it detracts from the overall feeling, and makes the structure more significant that the words.

Thank you. I plan to edit the poem in a short while.

--
<sub>Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. - Lewis Carroll

I best leave you to your clubbing. Who knows what monstrosities may be in need of beatings and bruises. - ~chocolate-therapy</sub>

"Bloodshot eyesight,
dreams still lingering"

The first line really seems to have nothing to do with the second, so why not make it its own sentence? Unless of course you are suggesting that the dreams still lingering are the bloodshot appearance of your eyes. If that's the case, it seems a bit far reaching for the chosen words. I think it'd read much better and adhere well to your 'snappy' (as someone else chose to call it) style of poem. IE: "Bloodshot eyesight. / Dreams still linger" - perhaps even seperate that further, so that "Bloodshot eyesight." is a stanza in its own right. Just a thought.

I must say, however, that in the third line, 'the' is an excess word and "in corners of..." is much tighter and you don't lose meaning. Something to think on in all poems.

When I read the next stanza, I think of something almost military. Probably the term "attack". However, if you wanted to follow this on, you could probably make it more military-like... "Alarmed, I launch
a search for the still
beeping attack that
ripped me from rest."
Or something along those lines. It's probable that a military reading was never intended, so ignore my blathering if you see fit. Haha. Following on from here, "My hand discovers plastic" is far too telly for my liking. Something inventive to make it a little more interesting and not so matter-of-fact could be following on a military reading should you choose to consider it in the previous stanza. IE: "Fingertip soldiers discover plastic as I gaze, search for blurry digits." (I'm not going to add enjambment, 'cause you break lines totally different to how I would). But, do you see how that might entice your reader more? Keep their attention and add substance and image?

The "does not" and "ever so" in the next stanza really throw me off - they seem to disrupt the reading (particularly aloud). Perhaps abbreviate does not and remove "so"? Ever diligent seems far more impressive (for lack of a better word) and makes it seem like more.

I like how the question ends the poem, but I can't help but wonder if perhaps it'd fair better at the start of the poem?

--
AKA ~007-crazynloveless

take off your -3 armour of "frigid bitch" and ill give you my +4 "phallace of mount doom" baby Sto67 "Lol. You make baby Jesus cry." Miguel

Well, I'm going to edit the poem soon, Chloe. Lets see what you think, then

But for now, buttertoast?

--
<sub>Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. - Lewis Carroll

I best leave you to your clubbing. Who knows what monstrosities may be in need of beatings and bruises. - ~chocolate-therapy</sub>

Okay. Hrm. Can I have ham and cheese on toast?

--
AKA ~007-crazynloveless

take off your -3 armour of "frigid bitch" and ill give you my +4 "phallace of mount doom" baby Sto67 "Lol. You make baby Jesus cry." Miguel

I don't see why not.

--
<sub>Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. - Lewis Carroll

I best leave you to your clubbing. Who knows what monstrosities may be in need of beatings and bruises. - ~chocolate-therapy</sub>